Living Into Loneliness

It isn’t easy for those who are young to understand the loneliness that comes when life changes from a time of preparation and performance to a time of putting things away. In the eager and active years of youth it isn’t easy to understand how parents feel as their flock, one by one, leave the family fireside. To be so long the center of a home, so much sought after, and then, almost suddenly, to be on the sidelines watching the procession pass by this is living into loneliness. Of course we may think we are thoughtful of parents and of our other older folk. Don’t we send them gifts and messages on special days and anniversaries? And don’t we make an occasional quick call as a token of our attention? It is something to be remembered on special occasions, to be sure. But passing and perfunctory performances are not enough to keep loneliness in its place the whole year round. What they need in the loneliness of their older years is, in part at least, what we needed in the uncertain years of our youth: a sense of belonging, an assurance of being wanted, and the kindly ministrations of loving hearts and hands; not merely dutiful formality, not merely a room in a building, but room in someone’s heart and life. We have to live a long time to learn how empty a room can be that is filled only with furniture. It takes someone on whom we have claims beyond mere hired service, beyond institutional care or professional duty, to thaw out the memories of the past and keep them warmly living in the present. And we who are younger should never become so blindly absorbed in our own pursuits as to forget that there are still with us those who will live into loneliness unless we let them share our lives as once they let us share theirs. When they were moving in the main stream of their own impelling affairs, we were a burden or could have been if they had chosen to consider us as such. But now we are stronger, and they are less strong. We cannot bring them back the morning hours of youth. But we can help them live in the warm glow of a sunset made more beautiful by our thoughtfulness, by our provision, and by our active and unfeigned love. Life in its fullness is a loving ministry of service from generation to generation. God grant that those who belong to us may never be left in loneliness.