Saying "I'm Sorry"

We sometimes assume that we have fully repented and made amends when we have said we are sorry. But there is a side to being sorry that is more serious than mere polite apology. And there are circumstances in which much more than casual regret is called for. Saying we’re sorry doesn’t undo physical damage. Saying we’re sorry doesn’t restore things that are lost. Saying we’re sorry doesn’t always heal a broken heart. It may help. Certainly we are saying we’re sorry is a gesture in the right direction. But it isn’t necessarily real repentance. Real repentance is something beyond repetition of a ready-made phrase. Sometimes people are repentant only to the point of being concerned about consequences. Sometimes a supposed repentance is prompted principally by fear, and passes as soon as the fear passes. People often know full well the probable penalties of some of the things they do. But they sometimes decide to take a chance and hope the gamble will go in their favor. And if it doesn’t they say they’re sorry. Of course a person is sorry when he is faced with unpleasant facts and possible penalties! And for the moment, at least, he may seem to be really “repentant.” But real repentance is more than being embarrassed, and it is more than the fear of consequences. Real repentance must include a man’s admission to himself that he knows he has done what he shouldn’t have done, that he is earnestly and inwardly sorry, and will make an honest effort to make amends. If he is wise, he will have learned his lesson. If he isn’t, he may be sorry again and again⎯and go on singing the same sorrowful song. In short, when someone says he is sorry, the crux of the question is: Is he sincerely sorry, or is he merely professing repentance? To be convincing, there are many things a man must do besides saying he’s sorry. He can’t perhaps always undo the damage, but to be convincing he must say he is sorry with a changed course of conduct.