On Understanding Parents

After we have left childhood and youth behind, and have taken our own place as parents, we understand many things that were not clear to us when we were young. But before we personally face the problems of parents we might wonder why they do what they do, and why they say some things they say – and why they are sometimes concerned.

To those who are young there could be times when friends and casual acquaintances seem more pleasant than parents. At least other people don’t restrict them so much or remind them so much, or repeat so much the same words of counsel and caution. So often it is left largely to parents to play the persistent and sometimes less pleasant part of urging young people to practice; to take part; to keep appointment; to choose wisely; to eat wisely; to make friends wisely; to maintain standards; to be discriminating about where they go; and when they go out, and when they come in; and the habits they have.

So often it is the part of the parents to remind young people of responsibilities and opportunities; of the need for starting early; of the need for being reliable; of the need for preparing; of the need for seeing things through. And so the part performed by parents is sometimes discouraging and sometimes resisted and resented.

But learning is a process of repetition – even when we weary of it. Most of us have to be taught and told twice – and sometimes many times twice. And parents cannot, in good conscience, escape the obligation or altogether entrust the teaching of children to others – not even to teachers. Others don’t have the responsibility of doing some things that parents must do.

And since parents do have a special part to perform, children may sometimes suppose that they are more difficult or exacting or persistent than others are. But long before life is over, we, who once were children, learn to realize why all this is so, and learn to appreciate the part that parents must perform in teaching what should be taught, in encouraging what should be encouraged, and in counseling and cautioning when counsel and caution are called for – and in holding the reins tight when the reins need to be held tight. And parents who leave the reins too loose, who leave too much of the teaching to others, are not likely to have the full respect that parents are entitled to – nor fully to meet the obligations that parents must perform.