Marriage--and Honesty Before and After…

“Character,” said Josiah Holland, “must…back up everything.” This applies to marriage. There must be honesty before as well as after. “Before to persons enter into business partnership there is a frank statement of their…assets and liabilities,” wrote a judge who had observed the problems of many partnerships. “Contrast this to the unusual preliminaries to that most important of all partnerships—marriage…often there is…a glossing over of the liabilities…the failings; an exaggeration of the assets…It is natural for youth to put its best foot forward…This is not pretension—merely optimism, ambition…But what of those who pretend to be what they are not? who…pretend virtues they have not; who pretend interest in matters that really bore them…pretend tolerance in matters in which they are intolerant…The disillusionments due to false pretensions come quickly…Haste and youth is one of the most frequent causes for unsuccessful marriage.” He then spoke of a young man who borrowed an impressive car and pretended it was his own and spent borrowed money on entertainment. The awakening quickly followed a runaway marriage. Haste and youth, honesty, deception, pretension—these are words to reckon with. Mention is made of a young man who pretended piety to impress a particular girl. He accompanied her to church and pretended to agree fully with her faith, while saying to himself that after marriage such things wouldn’t much matter, that each could go his own way. Then came a child, and “then began the tug of war, whether it was to follow father or mother. There is more bitter form of dissension…” These observations come down to one solid conclusion: that marriage is the most momentous commitment of life, and that to have a reasonable assurance of success it must be based on mature judgement, on honesty both before and after, and on a basic compatibility of convictions, and character. Love is important, exceedingly so. Life would be little without love. But with love there must be maturity, honesty and solid qualities of character, both before and after marriage, with an honest forthright facing of facts. “Character must…back up everything,” including marriage and romance.