Some Advice About Advice

One thing that makes most people impatient is advice they don’t want and haven’t asked for. At one time or another, either in the innocence of youth or in self-satisfied maturity, it isn’t uncommon for us to assume that we can get along without any advice. It takes some of us a long time to learn that we usually have more to repent of when we don’t take our counselors into our confidence. And when someone offers a comment of caution, we often impatiently think we know all the answers and need no admonition. Especially is it difficult for parents to delay children long enough to hear last-minute precautions, as the youngsters hastily make their way toward the nearest exit. A phrase from an old philosopher expresses this almost universal attitude: “Whatever your advice, make it brief.” But another citation comes even closer to the kernel of the subject: “Advice is not disliked because it is advice; but because so few people know how to give it.” The fact that advice often isn’t palatable may be as much the fault of the giver as of the receiver. If it is given in over-confidence, in an all-knowing manner, or in arrogance, it has little chance of acceptance. Counsel offered in quiet conversation is much more likely to be listened to than counsel that is “orated” at us. Counsel which assumes that we know something about the subject is much more likely to be listened to than counsel which presumes us to be altogether ignorant of it. Indeed, much good advice is rejected because someone assumes that it can be crammed down someone else’s throat. We don’t like either our food or our advice that way, not even when it is good. A man with a message must have more than a message. He must have an understanding of other people and respect for their point of view. Much good advice is lost by bad tactics, bad timing, bad temper. And much bad advice is accepted because it is pleasingly presented. And here is another word from a wise philosopher to every giver of good advice: “When the life of a counselor is known to be in accord with his words, it is impossible that his advice should not have great weight.” May we cite two sure signs of wisdom: One is learning how to give good advice, and the other is learning how to take it.