Be Careful What You Look For

It is true that we tend to find what we want to find. If it is trouble we are looking for, it is almost certain we shall find it. If we are looking for faults, we shall find faults. If it is flaws we want, they are always there. What we see depends much upon what we want to see. There is almost no one with whom we work or live, in whom we could not find much that is good and some things that we might wish were different. And people who live under the same roof, who sit across the same table, can greatly magnify faults, much to the sorrow of all concerned; or, they can concentrate on the finer qualities, even where they fail to find perfection. When we find ourselves in an unfamiliar place, new noises sometimes bother us so that we cannot sleep. But gradually we learn to be less aware of them. And then we find rest. And we shall sooner find rest in living with people who lack perfection (and who doesn’t?) as we learn to let their imperfections annoy us less. Sometimes faultfinding is prompted by jealousy or envy. Sometimes we may seek to build ourselves up by running others down. But we do not add stature to ourselves by belittling the stature of others. Of course it is the essential business of some to look for defects. Detectives must look for trouble—and find it. Doctors must look for trouble—because many maladies become much more dangerous if not diagnosed soon enough. And if it is essentially our business to look for faults and flaws, then we must do what it is our business to do. But for most of us it would be wiser not to overwork ourselves at faultfinding, for we all say or do things which may not sound or seem to others as we intended they should sound or seem—and any man may be made an offender for a word; any utterance may be misconstrued; any character may be condemned; any motive may be misunderstood by someone who is determined to misunderstand. If it is trouble we are looking for, if it is flaws and faults we want, we’ll find them. But with those we live with, we’ll live happier lives if we don’t pursue our search too persistently.