The Problem of Disciplining People…

There is an always urgent field for thought in the problem of disciplining people. Parents, and others, frequently find themselves searching and praying and pleading for wisdom and guidance in the teaching and disciplining of young and impressionable people (and of others also).

There has been a long-continuing controversy on the question of how harsh to be, how severe, how lax, how indulgent a controversy that has seen the duty of discipline torn at times between the tendency to be too severe, too demanding, and the tendency to be too soft, too indifferent, too indulgent. Not only from one generation to another, but also perhaps from time to time in our own lives as individuals, we have seen the swaying between the old adage “Spare the rod and spoil the child” (which concept has often been abused), and the softer sound of simply “spoiling the child” (which has also been abused).

There is no known infallible formula for the problem of disciplining people. To prepare such a prescription for all circumstances and situations would seemingly require a wisdom exceeding that of Solomon. But in any such prescription, there are some essential component parts and some elements to be utterly avoided:

First of all, there should be no laxness or indifference to duty. There should be a fairness and consistency of penalties imposed, with a judicious weighing of facts. And, finally (and in punishment it may seem paradoxical), there should be love. Punishment in hate may leave its ugly, inerasable marks both upon the giver and the receiver. But punishment in love is likely to leave its lasting benefits without leaving marring marks punishment that reproves “with sharpness” as occasion may require, and then shows forth “an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.” In the highest tradition of teaching and in the real work of making men, we can’t lead a child, we can’t lead anyone, very far without love. We can drive with hate, with threats, with fear, with force. But if we want a girl or boy to be his best, there must be a basis of love underlying all our actions and attitudes.