On Being Convincing

To live happily and successfully we have to learn how to get along with people. And one important factor in getting along with people is to deserve their confidenceto be convincingly sincere. Then comes the question: How can we be convincing? How can we give assurance to others that there is no sham or superficiality or hidden motive in our dealings with them? How can we convince them that the reasons we sometimes give are the real reasons for some of the things we do? Sometimes there is much studied effort to be convincing, much utterance of pleasing and well-chosen words, much resort to the techniques of persuasion, all of which have their proper uses, no doubt, and which, even with misuse, sometimes meet with seeming success. But those who misuse their powers of persuasion, those who mislead others are seldom long accredited in one place; they soon squander their capital of the confidence which others have in them, and are convincing no more. No matter how able or artful they are, sooner or later they have to find new prospects, new friends, new faces, because there is no satisfactory way of long-continued dealing with anyone, except on the basis of mutual trust and confidence. And ultimately to be convincing is no mere matter of salesmanship, or of showmanship, or of oratory, or of artistry; it is no mere matter of techniqueno more than is being truthful or honest or virtuous a matter of technique. Either we are or we aren’t. When we want to be convincing, therefore, suppose we examine our own hearts; suppose we look squarely at our own motives; suppose we imagine that others can read our thoughts, even as we can; suppose we see ourselves standing before the Judge of all men, with nothing hiddenwhich indeed we all one day shalland if, supposing all this, we are still convincing to ourselves, then we may well rightfully expect to be convincing to others. There is only one sure way to be convincing, and that is to be what we ought to be, to seem to be what we areand to be as sincere and as honest as we sometimes wish others were.