On Being Pulled Between Parents

WHEN THERE is conflict and confusion at home, it is disheartening and discouraging to parents and children alike. Where such conflict and confusion do exist, there may be many reasons. Among those more frequently mentioned are the restlessness of the times, the impact of so-called modern thinking, the complexity and rush of life, and many other causes, all of which must assume their share of the blame for a weakening of the ways of discipline and a relaxing of respect for authority. But there is yet another provocative reason that should be frankly faced, and that is this: Sometimes children are not in harmony with the home, because the home is not in harmony with itself. Sometimes parents are not of one mind or of one purpose. For example, when father is in a lenient mood, mother may be disposed to be strict_or vice versa; and, being alert to such situations, frequently children strategically shop between parents, choosing their time and their purpose. Often these differences between parents are superficial and temporary_merely a matter of passing mood. But frequently there are basic differences of beliefs and principles, of ideals and objectives. Sometimes father would like to see Johnny grow up one way, and mother would like to see him grow up another. And sensing the conflict, Johnny either takes advantage of it or is confused by it. It is tragically confusing to children to be placed in the position of being pulled between two parents, in small matters or in large ones. In young and old, much of unrest, much of instability, and much of contradiction in conduct can no doubt be traced to situations where standards and objectives were in doubt, or where principles were a matter of contention rather than of solid conviction. It is difficult enough to rear children to respect authority and to adhere to principles when parents are united, but it is desperately difficult when they are divided. And those young people who plan to take up life together, those who plan making a home and rearing a family, would do well to face these facts before it is too late, for it is unfair to ask a child to make his choice between two different sets of rules, both imposed by equal authority, or between two people, to both of whom he is by blood and love and honor bound. When there is division among parents, there is confusion among children.