The Problem of Pleasing People

It was Montaigne who remarked that “a man had need of tough ears to hear himself freely judged.” Regardless of how careful and conscientious a man may be, someone is almost always sure to misunderstand his actions and attitudes and utterances. When he is liberal with his means, someone will almost surely suggest that he is overly extravagant. If he is conscientiously careful with his money, someone will almost surely say that he is miserly. If a person’s views are more liberal than ours, we may brand him as being “too liberal,” If his views are more conservative than ours, we may assume that he is “too conservative.” When a person favors our position, we may refer to him as fair-minded. When he opposes our position, we probably pronounce him prejudiced. And in all honesty, must we not admit the possibility of our condemning in an enemy what we condone in a friend. And the chances are that we ourselves do many things that we resent in others. If a person does nothing, people will find fault with what he doesn’t do; if he does something, they will find fault with what he does do. And while part of the people may applaud what we do part of the time, it is more than probable that part of the people will surely disapprove what we do at any time. When, therefore, we are attempting to please other people (or when other people are attempting to please us), we must remember that no mortal man ever lived (and that includes all of us) who has ever pleased anyone all the time⎯not even himself. No matter what course a person pursues, someone will wonder why he didn’t do something different. And so about the best we can do is to conduct ourselves conscientiously according to our best knowledge and sincere convictions and keep our minds always honestly open to the possibility of our own errors⎯and hope that other men will forgive us our mistakes as we forgive them theirs. And remember always that a man has need of “tough ears” to hear himself freely judged by others.