Harboring Our Hurts

No doubt the course of history has many times been altered because someone has had his feelings hurt. There are some classic examples that suggest themselves, one such at the siege of Troy with Achilles sulking in his tent. But for every such that has been publicly cited, there are millions more where the lives of people have been blighted, some seriously and some superficially, because someone has had hurt feelings.

Sometimes the consequences of hurt feeling, of personal offense, have been appallingly serious, far out of proportion to the first cause, as men have stubbornly misunderstood one another and families and others implacably have fought and feuded (like Shakespeare’s Capulets and Montagues) and the lives of the innocent have been blighted (like Romeo and Juliet), and irreparable damage has been done because someone has had his pride injured, because someone has had his feelings hurt.

It is true that people are often thoughtless; often inconsiderate, blunt, undiplomatic, sometimes cruel; and often deal with others the wrong way. But men being as they are, imperfect as they are, so long as we move among them, we are sometimes going to have our feelings hurt, even when others don’t know they have hurt us. There likely isn’t one of us who hasn’t been hurt (and likely there isn’t one of us who hasn’t hurt others).

But if too easily we assume a martyr’s role, if we nurture and magnify our hurts, if we withdraw ourselves from fellowship, from activity, and brook and let our injuries fester, and sulk too long in our tents, we do serious damage to ourselves, our families, our friends, and to the causes we might have served.

As in the healing process following some kinds of surgery, so hurts of the heart, hurt pride and injured feelings can sooner be healed if we don’t nurse them too long, if we are sooner up, and out, and active.

Life goes on whether we go with it or not, and sitting aside in hurt silence when there are things to be done is one unfortunate way of letting life waste away. We do ourselves great damage by languishing too long in injured inactivity.

We commend to all these words of an unidentified author: “In the very depths of your soul, dig a grave; let it be a some forgotten spot to which no path leads; and there in the eternal silence bury the wrongs which you have suffered. Your heart will feel as if a load had fallen from it, and a divine peace come to abide with you.”