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When to Say It--and When to Be Silent

June 27, 1954

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As was observed many centuries ago: There is “a time to every purpose . . . ” And there are times when some things should be said, and times to keep silent. There are times when we are tempted to make cutting comments, when the quality of kindness (and good sense itself) would suggest that we keep silent.

Sometimes on the football field we see the dangerous practice of “piling on”—piling on and pushing the bottom player a little farther into the dirt. In life there is also the practice of “piling on” and pushing people down a little deeper. Sometimes we see it among children. If one of them has made a misstatement or mistake, all present sometimes seem to want to outdo one another in embarrassing the unfortunate offender. But even as adults, too many of us, too often, are cutting in our comments and too sharp with our tongues. Too many of us correct others cruelly, with the wrong spirit, at the wrong time. Even in families, correction is often ill-timed; and the intended lesson may be lost by the resentment that comes with being embarrassed before others.

There are times to speak up; there are times to say what should be said. There are truths that must be spoken, falsehoods that must be challenged, misimpressions that must be corrected, and facts that must be made known. But the ill-timed lashing of an uncontrolled temper or a loose and irresponsible tongue can do irreparable damage. No friendship, no household, no marriage, no society is strong enough to remain unmarred by unbridled sarcasm or by cruel comment.

Whether uttered inadvertently or otherwise, we are responsible for the weight of our words, and we should weigh them well before we let the loose, having the good sense sometimes to be silent, and not to let temper or bad timing nullify the lessons that might have been learned. And on those occasions which must and do call for sharp correction, we should show “forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom [we have] reproved,”42 for love can make correction lasting, but hate only hardens the human heart.

May God give us the good sense to know what to say, and when to say it, and when to be silent; and give us also the great quality of kindness so that what is said, will correct and not merely cruelly cut.

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