On Sparing the Children and Others

One of the most difficult tasks that confronts parents is to pass on to their children an appreciation of what has gone into the making of the home they enjoy. Driven by necessity, and through the virtues of work and of thrift, ofttimes a man acquires the means of comfortable existence. His children, in turn, reared in comparative plenty, and not driven by the same necessity, often become more dependent and less able to cope with the difficulties and adversities of life. A man in comfortable circumstances may tell his son a thousand times how difficult it was to earn a dollar when he was a boy, how people worked for what they got, saved part of what they earned, went without, labored long, and, finally, by hard and sure steps, achieved self-dependence and self-respect⎯and to this ofttold story children sometimes listen respectfully, and sometimes shrug and wonder what it has to do with them and their lives. This is partly the fault of children, but perhaps more the fault of parents who are everlastingly trying to spare their children the character-building experiences that made them what they are⎯parents who are determined to provide, with little or no effort on the part of their children, all the things which they themselves were denied. This attitude is the natural outgrowth of an indulgent love⎯but a love of questionable wisdom⎯because parents are not always going to be here to do these things, and sooner or later their children are going to have to stand on their own feet anyway⎯and because men don’t grow except by their own efforts. There are some things you can do for another person and some things you can’t do for him. You can suggest the course his thoughts should take, but you can’t think for him. You can show him how a thing should be done, but you can’t learn for him. You can set standards and point the way, but you can’t forever hold him up beyond his own height or spare him all the realities and vicissitudes of life⎯not even your own child. And if you could and you did, the result would be something you wouldn’t like. This inexorable truth goes far beyond the family relationship, and enters into the dealing of all men with all other men. The principle of self-effort, of self-dependence, of self-reliance, is a requisite of growth, and of happiness itself, and he who thinks he can do all things for someone else⎯he who thinks he can do all things for all people better than they can do for themselves⎯he who thinks he can live the lives of others⎯is deceiving himself and doing an injustice to others. Men may do some things for each other, but there are many things no one can do for another. This all discover sooner or later, and the more fortunate are they who discover it sooner.