To Those Now Married or About To Be

The poets have long written of love, in lines often quoted and in songs often sung—songs whose sentiment has given a lift and loveliness to life. But such sentiment does not long endure unless there is behind it some real substance, and what the poets have portrayed would perish without the basic qualities of character: qualities that include kindness and consideration, the willingness to give and take, to adjust, to talk things out with gentle, open frankness—free from sarcasm, free from cruel, stinging criticism, and with a fair and forthright facing of facts.

Marriage requires patience, temperance, moderation. It demands faith and forbearance. It requires willingness to work, to wait, and to honor obligations. It requires also a special kind of respect: respect for self and for one another; respect for feelings and convictions; respect for sacred things, and a prayerful approach to problems. It would be difficult to imagine the loveliness of enduring love without real respect.

No marriage—no life—is free from problems. There are always adjustments to make, things to work out, need for understanding. But in this most important and complete commitment, which includes the closeness of two people and all their future, and the future of their family, marriage must be deep and everlastingly enduring. Permanence and compatibility are worth working for, worth living for; worth cultivating the essential qualities of character.

Thomas Carlyle has given some advice that can be shared with equal benefit by those newly married, those long married, and those who are about to be: “Courage,” he said, “and be true to one another!”

What a stirring, briefly stated standard—what a great source of safety! Respect, kindly frankness, patience, temperance, honor, encouragement—and surely not forgetting the need for unity of purpose and for common convictions. With these the language of the poets may live to have much meaning. Have faith and courage, and “be true to one another”—and avoid the scars, the senseless costly separations, the deep cruel hurts of the heart.