The Tension of Pretense

There are, in literature and in life, some interesting tales of the tensions that come from leading a double life. In the field of espionage, for example, there would seem to be little time for relaxing, little time for the real living of life, when a person must constantly pretend to be something he isn’t, or pretend to be doing something he isn’t doing. Under such circumstances, he would likely be afraid of every unguarded act or utterance⎯even afraid of what he might say in his sleep.

This ties in with a significant sentence from Anne Morrow Lindbergh: “The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered, is being insincere.” It is a provocative thought: the exhaustion of insincerity⎯of pretense. A masquerade can be colorful and exciting if a person can drop the costume and the mask when the evening is over. But a permanent masquerade would surely wear a man away. Acting also is exciting to some. But always to be acting would surely be altogether exhausting.

There are many kinds of pretending: the pretense of pretending to be something other than we are; of pretending to be doing something we aren’t doing; of pretending to be keeping commandments we aren’t keeping; the pretense of trying to justify ourselves in unworthy acts or utterances.

All pretense is wearing and wearisome, even when we aren’t altogether aware of it, for with it come a constant strain, and a kind of transparency also, because those who are close to us we seldom really deceive⎯and even those who aren’t, often seem to have a kind of perception concerning sincerity or insincerity.

There is nothing quite so convincing, nothing quite so satisfying, as a quiet, honest sincerity⎯the showing of an honest face and front. And the effort of explaining why we aren’t doing what we ought to do, why we aren’t being what we ought to be, why we aren’t living as we ought to live; the talking back to conscience; the attempt to justify, to explain away what shouldn’t be, do worry and wear.

There isn’t much chance to repent, to reform, to improve, to progress until we honestly face facts; and merely going through the motions or the masquerade, or relying insincerely on the art of acting, are all part of an exhausting kind of pretense, an exhausting kind of insincerity. One of the most exhausting things in life is insincerity.