The Courtesy of Giving Attention

“If there be anything that can be called genius,” said Thomas Reid, “it consists chiefly in ability to give that attention to a subject which keeps it steadily in the mind . . . “¹ Besides the question of concentration, there is the question of courtesy. “I would rather be in company with a dead man,” said Lord Chesterfield, “than with an absent one; for if the dead man gives me no pleasure, at least he shows me no contempt; whereas, the absent man, silently indeed, but very plainly, tells me that he does not think me worth his attention.”² Sir John Davies said: “If we chance to fix our thoughts elsewhere, though our eyes open be, we cannot see.”³ The fact that our eyes are focused on something doesn’t necessarily mean that we are seeing it⎯if we are thinking of something else. And now to a very personal and important facet of this subject of attention and courtesy: One physician has commented on the “parent who complains he cannot reach his children;…” “the teacher who cannot hold the attention of his pupils;…” “the husband who has stopped talking to his wife because her attention has wandered;…” (And vice verse). “The common element in all of them,” he implies, “may well be . . . that the parent, the teacher, the husband, has never learned to reach out . . . with his whole and undivided mind [to the child, the pupil, the companion]⎯”in short, to be ‘all there'”⁴ To get the attention of others one must give attention to others. In the interest of understanding, what better can husbands and wives do than to give each other sincere, respectful attention? What better can parents and children give to each other, than respectful, understanding attention⎯with a turning of their hearts to each other, which is one of life’s most important privileged and pursuits. We owe to others the courtesy of giving them our attention when they have something to say.