What to Overlook--and When

“The art of being wise,” said William James, “is the art of knowing what to overlook.” Life without friends, without loved ones would be too altogether empty. But since people are not perfect, our companionship with people is never perfect. When we associate with people we take them with their imperfections. But over-emphasizing imperfections leads to unpleasantness, unhappiness, disillusionment. This is so in marriage, in the home, the family, among friends, in every relationship in life. And one of the greatest lessons of life is learning to help people to improve without making them resentful, or shattering their confidence, or destroying our influence with them. Correcting people when others are present is especially embarrassing, and correcting with sarcasm is always hurtful in effect. We ourselves never do all we ought to do as well as we ought to do it. No one of us is possessed of all virtues, or abilities, or flawless performance. There is no one who is never forgetful. No one can always follow a schedule, always have meals precisely on time (or always be there precisely on time), or always have the house look as if company were expected, or always have everything precisely in place. Man is not merely a machine⎯he is much more⎯but even machines need understanding, and even machines make errors. There is much to be overlooked in all of us⎯and some things that should not be overlooked. But even these can be dealt with in tact and helpfulness, choosing the time, the place, the mood, the method. There are ways of suggesting, of holding back, of timing, of correcting in kindness, instead of harsh, cruel, blundering correction that makes people feel small, hurt, resentful. There are times to correct and times not to. There are ways to correct and ways not to. “The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook”⎯and when.